Stomping in Clown Shoes

A long time ago a good friend was walking around our apartment with a guitar being musical.  He wasn’t covering ‘Deep Purple’ or anything that cliché, just strummin’ and sangin’ and having fun.  We had ‘Jeopardy’ on the television, and as anyone knows (I remember Art Fleming) they play the theme music while the contestants write down their final ‘question’ on the last part of the show.  Spontaneously, he began playing along with the TV and making up lyrics for the Jeopardy theme.  It started off clumsily, but the final line left us rolling in stitches.  It was funny enough to leave an indelible mark in my memory.  I wish I could say I truly remembered it, but this is the best I can do:

Pick a square and Alex will read it
if you know the answer, you get the money
but if you screw the bonus round
they’ll stand you up and hose you down

* The basic parts are water blocks, reservoir, pump, tubing, radiator, and the coolant itself.
* Don’t buy kits.  Just like building your own system, you can get the best equipment if you get the parts individually.  When you buy a kit, the manufacturer invariably must include something they’ve done on the cheap, through materials, manufacturing, or engineering.  Example: the Zalman Reserator 1 (blue) I have is terrific and includes a first class Eheim aquarium pump internally, but the acrylic ‘flow indicator’ that came with it started leaking a few weeks after it was installed.  A second one did exactly the same thing (acrylic is NOT good with glycol).
* Don’t bother with the extra expense of silver over copper, the difference isn’t that much.  Be aware that different metals in your system can have a slow electrochemical effect.  Stick with copper and aluminum.  Don’t use anything acrylic, it will slowly crack during exposure to the glycol.  Polyethylene, polypropylene, and Lucite work great.  The only time I’ve ever had a problem with a leak (*up till now) was due to use of acrylic plastic.
* A high flow rate is not important.  Sure, some flow is necessary, but high pressure pumps will only encourage your system to leak.  You don’t see people putting massively high flow rate antifreeze pumps on their cars because it’s not necessary.  Don’t pay extra for larger jets on the blocks or radiators.  Water cooling is much more efficient than air cooling, no need to waste money on hype.
* Rig your water blocks in parallel, not in series.  This way all the parts get fresh coolant rather than daisy chaining the heat from one component to the next.  This also reduces flow rate, but flow rate is not important!
* Rig the pump to pull coolant from the blocks and push it into the reservoir.  The pressure difference between the coolant and the outside should be a vacuum where it’s most dangerous to leak.  In this way, if there’s a break in the tubing, the pump will pull air into the system at the break rather than spray mildly toxic coolant all over your live hot running computer, carpet, walls, ceiling, face, and pets.
* Use of a rheostat to adjust the fan in front of the radiator will help reduce noise.
* Assemble and test (with water) the whole system before trying to install it.
* Mix:

• 16 ounces of premium automotive grade ethylene glycol antifreeze

• 6 ounces of Redline’s “Water Wetter” (half a bottle)

and top off with

• a gallon of distilled water (about 3 quarts/liters needed)

A plastic windshield washer gallon jug works well.  You will need to replace the coolant every couple of years or you might get algae.  I’m currently using “Zerex”, but if your system is in an area with poor ventilation or in a house with children, you might consider using propylene glycol based “green” (green as in environment, not the color) antifreeze instead, it’s less toxic.

My own system is about 4 1/2 years old now, and has been used on two different motherboards/CPU sets:

• Zalman Reserator 1 (blue) with integrated Eheim 300 pump, comes with very nice blue silicone tubing, but I didn’t use the Zalman water block
• 2 Danger Den “Maze 4″ copper water blocks with Lucite tops and 3/8″ outlets, custom mounted to two Slot ‘F’ AMD Opterons with strips of brass sheet metal
• ThermalTake “Aquarius” A1983 VGA water block, nickel plated with 1/4″ side outlets, this is very thin and fits between PCI cards
• Black Ice Xtreme II radiator with 3/8″ outlets (the Zalman Reserator passive cooling isn’t enough for two CPUs and a GPU)
• 2 ball-bearing fans for the radiator (120mm), and additional chassis fans for motherboard passive components (definitely needed for a Tyan S2927)
• A 4-circuit fan speed controller.  This is an unintelligent device, merely a set of 12 volt active transistor rheostats.
• A “Digital Doc 5” fan speed controller and temperature sensor, this needs no interface to the computer (translation: works with Linux)
• A few polypropylene T’s and L’s in the tubing.
• “Arctic Silver 5” heat compound

Needless to say, my system is less than easily portable.  I consider this an “anti-theft” feature.

The two separate fan speed controllers require a bit of explanation.  I made a custom cable for the radiator fans, with two separate voltage feeds and diodes to keep the two units from parasitically vampiring power from each other.  The rheostat lets me set a minimum fan speed, which is basically enough to keep the fans running at a minimum of noise.  However the “Digital Doc 5″ unit monitors the temperature of various parts of the system, including the double radiator.  If that temperature goes over 96 degrees Fahrenheit, it kicks in it’s voltage, boosting the fan to full speed.  The system runs pretty quietly, but if it gets a little warm, the fans automatically spin up to higher speed.  I run the BOINC application, and so 4 cores of 2 Opteron 2218′s are going 100% all the time, and I’ve never had a *problem.

* News Flash! Problem!

04-JUL-2010 There was an “oh, shoot!” moment when a very small leak suddenly went gusher.  A small but noticeable amount of coolant had leaked from the bottom of the Zalman Reserator, and on investigation, the plastic hose fitting out of the bottom of the aluminum tank body snapped right off.  I believe it was clearly the source of the leak, as the inside of the fracture was stained.  The inlet also showed fracture evidence.  They lasted about 5 years?  Or was it 6?

Anyway… on the 4th of July 2010 (a big patriotic holiday here in the United States of America) and a Sunday, the Loew’s superstore is open and had brass 1/4 ” pipe to 3/8 ” hose barbs.  I discussed a sarcastic tone of sympathy with a gentleman who was helpful in the plumbing aisle, he would have rather been home playing World of Warcraft and appreciated that I needed this plumbing to fix my computer.

The coolant is wiped up, the table is wiped down, the brass fittings went into the tank threads with teflon plumber’s tape, and it’s working fine.  O’Reilly’s automotive store had more Water Wetter.  I’m slightly curious to know if I’ll see any electrochemical weirdness with the brass screwed into aluminium in glycol, but that wouldn’t seem to be as dramatic as a cleanly severed line pouring coolant onto the desk.  As I was actually placing an old cake pan under the tank when trying to figure out the source of the leak, it could have been much, much worse than it was.

I suggest replacing the plastic fittings on the bottom of Zalman Reserator cooling pumps with brass fittings if the unit is used more than a few years.

This leak began without much provocation, the unit hadn’t been moved in months.  The strain on the plastic fittings was never really that much, but it seems apparent that the constant vibration of the pump was enough to cause stress fractures over a long period of time.  I can’t blame Zalman for this, but an upscale model might replace these fittings with something a little stronger.

And now… continuing our “Caveman’s Guide to Pie” series, here is a recipe for a big pile of cute little pig pies. That is, pies that contain ground pig. Or cow. Or buffalo, chicken, goat, sheep, fish, or shrimp. Or wild boar, rattlesnake, bear, pheasant, quail, or eels. I don’t recommend this recipe for ground turtle meat. I can’t tell you why, it involves a personally traumatic childhood experience with a BB gun and Mr. Snappy. But I’m over it now. Really.

I salute to James’s Hand-Made Potsticker Recipe, the recipe here is pretty much my implementation of the Liu Family recipe.  It’s an excellent web page and obviously has deep wonderful family roots, something I value greatly here at Caveman Recipes Inc.  I’ve also taken a few tips from allrecipes.com who had a egg noodle dough which was typical of other sites.

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Hmmm…

Here is a design for an overhead light fixture (see the Creative Commons license notice below).

I’m not really sure I’m going to save any money with this.  I’m spending a lot for a very nice lamp, but economically, I’m not sure the energy and light bulb savings will be worth it.  But then again, that’s not the only reason to do anything.

This lamp will replace the aging standard fixture in the ceiling of my study in a house built in 1965.  This existing fixture is made for two Edison base light bulbs, and switched at the wall near the entry door.  Bo-rrring.

The idea is to stop the 120V wiring at the switch.  There I’ll put in a small DC power supply and a circuit inside the wall box with a special wall plate for the switches mounted on the PC board.  A three wire cable (ground, 24 volts DC, and a 0 – 5 volt square wave) will connect to the overhead fixture.  The lamp will be made of 6 pentagonal printed circuit boards connected together on the edges like the lower half of a dodecahedron (12 sided solid).  Each board will have 5 Cree XLamp MX-6 high-brightness LEDs, 6500 Kelvin (cool white color), for a total of 30 LEDs.

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WARNING
ALL STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY.  THIS DESIGN WILL NOT WORK FOR YOU, DON’T BUILD THIS.  THIS IS NOT FOR BEGINNERS. YOU OR OTHERS CAN BE HURT OR KILLED.  I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING.  EAT YOUR VEGETABLES.  DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ ON THE INTERNET. TURN OFF THIS COMPUTER NOW.

Problem
I am beginning to have need of additional lighting in my house.  A few years ago, my eyes started to show age, and this is not a trend I expect to reverse itself.  It’s the 21st century, I’m bored with snapping on and off light switches as I move from room to room, so I’m building a few lamps I can use.  These will be especially helpful in stairwells, but also in my basement.

Goals

• Motion activated – this is pretty easy, if nothing in the area is moving, it probably doesn’t need to be illuminated.  This also implies adjustments for sensitivity (will it trigger for me, a cat, or a mosquito) and delay (how long does it stay on after triggering).
• Ambient light sensor – no point turning on a lamp when there’s already enough light
• Energy efficiency – uses pennies worth of juice each year.  Ideally, this works during a grid power outage, and/or is completely self sustaining through auxiliary power generation devices like solar panels, a micro-windmill, or a windbelt humdinger.  It should be bright enough to keep me from tripping over laundry, not for reading.
• Solid state – no maintenance required other than occasional dusting.  Zero recurrent costs.

Vision
Create a device which triggers one or more high-brightness white light LEDs.  Device will use low voltage DC power supply, centrally located to supply multiple devices throughout a house.  Device will be installable using a circular hole saw through existing drywall, power supplied through in-wall wiring.

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How to make pie good enough for cave man.

Fruit pies

This is for a full pie crust, for just the bottom shell, use 1/2 of these amounts:

2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
2 Tablespoons sugar
3/4 cup (a stick and a half) unsalted butter
1/2 cup lard
6 – 8 Tablespoons ice water

Into a large clean bowl completely free of cat hair sift the flour, salt, and sugar.  Cut the butter and lard into the flour mixture with a pastry blender.  Add 6 Tablespoons of ice water, add up to 2 more until the dough comes together.  Use the pasty blender as much as possible, chop the dough… don’t knead it (this is not a pizza, you want it soft and flaky).  When mixed, cut into two lumps and chill.  Then you can make the filling:

Cherry

4 cups (1 quart) fresh pitted cherries
1 3/4 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon mace
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
2 1/2 Tablespoons quick tapioca
1/3 cup chilled unsalted butter

Blueberry

4 cups (1 quart) fresh blueberries
1 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon mace
1 Tablespoon lemon juice (half a lemon)
2 1/2 Tablespoons quick tapioca
1/3 cup chilled unsalted butter

Dingleberry
Yes, I’m kidding.

Combine the fruit, sugar, spices and extracts, and tapioca in a bowl, chill and let stand for 20 minutes.

You’re halfway done.  Go pee.  Have a cigarette.  Wash your hands again, with soap this time.  Take a break before flouring up the counter and a rolling pin.

Roll out the crust and line a 9 – 10 inch deep pan, fill with the uh… filling… stuff.  Dot the top with the butter, you don’t have to use up all of it.  Add top crust, crimp the edges very high, cut steam vent holes (carve “HARE” on top  Get it?  Hare Pie.  Nyuk nyuk nyuk).

For top crust pies, bake on top of a cookie sheet covered with metal foil in a hot oven at 425 degrees Fahrenheit for 1 hour.  Allow to cool completely before serving.  Fruit pies will keep pretty well out of the refrigerator for a week or more if covered with foil and you washed your hands well enough while making it.

Meat Pies (WARNING!  EXPERIMENT IN PROGRESS!)

1 pound of meat (bison, lamb, turkey, beef, camel, wildebeest, kangaroo)
1 small or 1/2 large yellow onion, chopped
2 large cloves of garlic, chopped
1 Tablespoon oil
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon thyme
1/4 teaspoon rosemary
1/4 teaspoon sage
1/4 teaspoon powdered mustard

a few small red or gold potatoes
1/2 rutabaga
1/2 parsnip
1 cup milk (or 1/2 cup cream and 1/2 cup water)
2 Tablespoons cornstarch

Brown meat in a large skillet with the onion, garlic, oil and spices.  Dice the vegetables and add to skillet, add milk and cornstarch.  Stir while cooking for 10 – 15 minutes while the hard tubers soften some, you don’t want to cook them completely.  Turn off heat, let sit while rolling out a top crust (note: you may wish to use salted butter in this crust… just for meat pies).  Bake at 425 degrees Fahrenheit for 1 hour (until it’s bubbling through the vents).  Serve with homemade tomato ketchup, horseradish, and premium soy sauce.

Cream Pies

NOTE: if you found this recipe because you were looking for porn, sorry!

Cream pies are a little different, you only make half the crust (there’s no top) and bake the crust before filling (425 degrees Fahrenheit for 15 – 20 minutes).  There’s some tricks to this… since there’s no filling, the crust will tend to shrink and bubble up in the middle, so pie weights will be useful.  The order of operation is very different from that of a fruit pie… you need the baked pie crust complete and ready to go before you start on the pudding mixture.  This is when it might be tempting to get a store-bought pie crust.  Don’t DO it, MAN!! You can make this.

Select zero or more of the following base ingredients:
3 bananas
1 cup shredded coconut
3 – 5 oz sweet or semi-sweet chocolate (or Nutella)
1/2 cup citrus fruit juice and zest from the rind

and…
2 cups whole milk
1 cup cream
1/4 cup flour
2 Tablespoons corn starch
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 egg yolks (bruised and beaten)
1 tsp vanilla

In a medium saucepan, bring the milk and cream to almost a boil (‘scald’ it), stir constantly to avoid skimming.  Don’t use a double boiler here, it won’t quite get hot enough to scald the milk, and so the filling won’t thicken properly.

• If you’re making a citrus pie, add the zest to the milk before scalding, and then afterward let it steep for a few minutes before straining out the zest bits.
• If you are using chocolate, melt it first, then slowly add the milk and cream.

Sift the flour, cornstarch, sugar, and salt, add to the milk while stirring constantly.

• Extra salt is optional for a citrus pie.
• If you want to use coconut or Nutella, add that to the mixture now as well.

Whisk the egg yolks.

• If you’re making  citrus pie, add the juice to the egg yolks.

Spoon some of the hot milk pudding mixture into the egg yolks and stir, then add the yolks to the mixture (don’t just dump the egg yolks into the hot pudding) and cook a few more minutes.  It should be getting really thick and smell really good.  Taste it (don’t burn your mouth) and add more sugar if needed, especially with semi-sweet chocolate.

• Add the vanilla last if used.  Skip the vanilla for  a citrus pie.\
• Use a pinch of chili powder instead of vanilla for a chocolate pie.
• If you use bananas, spoon a little of the pudding into the bottom of the pie crust, then add bananas slices, and then spoon on more pudding.
• Otherwise, use a spatula and pour the pudding mixture into the crust.

Once that’s done, chill and chill out.  You can’t just pop the hot shell and filling in the fridge, but from here on out, COOL is what you need.  When it’s not quite so hot, then put it in the refrigerator.

If you add a lot of base ingredients, you might need to reduce the amounts, it will make a lot, but you can always just pour the remainder into pudding cups.  Cream pies have milk and egg and so they won’t keep out of the refrigerator, they have to be chilled.  Some recipes call for additional baking, I don’t recommend this.

You can leave the pie unadorned, top with whipped cream, or…  did you save the egg whites?  Good!  Make meringue:

4 egg whites
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar (optional)
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup powdered sugar

Adding the sugar slowly, beat with a high-speed electric mixer until you get soft peaks, this can take 20 – 30 minutes.  When the pie is cool, plop gobs of foam onto the top of the pie with a big spoon and broil (on high) in an oven 5 minutes until the meringue is golden brown… don’t walk away from this, or you’ll burn the meringue and the pie will get all runny.

It’s done.  Let it cool.  Don’t put it in the refrigerator while still warm, or it will get runny.  When it’s no longer warm (call it an hour), THEN put it in the refrigerator and chill out for at least 2 more hours, and while waiting don’t get any Soupy Sales ideas.

General tips for making PIE:

• Don’t use any ingredients that aren’t at least 100 years old.  Not the actual item (ewww!), the invention of the ingredient… people have been eating pie for a very very long time, you don’t need anything exotic or new to make any of these.  Pie good for cave man!
• Heart Smart warning: This will kill you.  Do not serve this to people without notifying them that this is real pie, and therefore crammed, jammed, and packed with real fat.
• This is not a beginner course on cooking and baking, but it’s not difficult.  If you’ve ever put together a piece of tube frame recreational equipment for your kids in the back yard on Christmas Eve, you have the skills necessary to make a pie.
• Use organic ingredients whenever possible.  Butter, milk, sugar, eggs, flour, and fruit can all be bought organic.  Your body will thank you for it.  Don’t be fooled by the word ‘natural’, natural is not organic.  The word ‘natural’ (as applied to food in the USA) has come to be meaningless at the consumer level through lobbying by the food industry.  Arsenic is ‘natural’.  Read the labels on the ingredients you use.  If there’s anything in them that you can’t pronounce without a chemistry reference, buy something else.
• Cheap fruit makes experimentation more fun.  When you see a quart of blueberries for $4 at the farmer’s market, think PIE.
• You can use white granulated table sugar, but exotic premium sugar at the ethnic grocery store will definitely make a difference.  I wish there were a standardized sweetness scale, but until that science is up another tech level, I prefer to use organic powdered sugar.  If you’re looking to reduce the sugar, you might try substituting about half the amount needed with a commercial sweetener substitute.  I haven’t done this, but there is diabetic friendly sugar substitute available.  Somebody also try a tablespoon of light unsulfured molasses and tell me how that goes.
• In fruit pies, you can use cornstarch instead of instant (or flaked) tapioca, but the texture is boring.  The idea here is to thicken the filling so it will look good on your fork and cut in a nicer triangle.  In the cream pies, tapioca can probably be substituted for the corn starch, but the texture won’t be smooth.
• Use real unsalted butter and actual lard for shortening.  Using these and cutting it into the flour with a pastry blender keeps the gluten fibers short, and not like pizza.  Use some muscle on this, when properly mixed you should not be able to distinguish any individual lumps of butter or lard.  Yes, you can buy lard in the store, it’s usually near the baking supplies, I usually see it in bricks or small white plastic tubs.  Lard does not contain trans fats, because trans fats were invented when people stopped using real animal fat.  If you’re worried about cholesterol, stop eating pie.  On the other hand, if you would rather sacrifice some taste, green mersh label zero trans-fat shortening bricks will work just fine.
• Take your time rolling out the crust.  If you goof it, pick it up and do it again.  Roll it out, fold it over a few times, this makes it flaky.  If the bottom crust has a hole or seam, it will leak.  On top crust pies, seal and crimp the edges very high, it will spill, and make sure the steam vents in the top are big enough that they don’t seal up while cooking.
• If you make a few pies and the next one suddenly seems… not difficult… you’re getting it.  There’s a reason they say ‘easy as pie’.  There’s definitely some arm work in blending and rolling the crust, but nothing else in these recipes is particularly difficult.  Maybe chocolate, chocolate is almost always difficult.

I’m currently experimenting with savory recipes… buffalo with potato, carrots, parsnips, rutabaga, basil, oregeno…. sausage with cheese, onions, green pepper, cayenne… beef with cream and rosemary.   I know the cherry and blueberry recipes work well (don’t skip the mace!).  I’m still perfecting the ‘citrus’ cream pies.

Whaddaya gonna do with those pies, boys?

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I have another admission to make.  I sew.  It started a long long time ago… I used to watch my mother sew when I was very young, but a year or so ago the realization that I actually know how to sew hit me.  It rekindled with just not wanting to pay $50 for shirts made overseas that didn’t fit, but my newfound stitching bug now has me making more diabolical plans.

I have in my possession four (4) red patent leather pig hides, which is enough to make a rather large coat, one my size.  As I live in Michigan, I’ll be insulating it, and of course it will need a proper liner.

The leather is pretty lightweight, the thinsulate is really thick, and the innermost liner is paper thin and slippery. I’m also using some red velvet for some of the facings.  This is definitely going to be harder than polyester-cotton work shirts. (Burda pattern 7767 rocks!)

This all adds up to a lot of planning on how to sew the liner to the coat, which seems pretty mysterious to me.  Why does it hold together?  Why would it fit?  How many needles am I going to break doing this?  The only way to find out is to do it, but there’s no material I’d bother to use to make a coat that is cheap… so do or die, this is going to have to happen and mistakes may be costly.  The leather is slightly more expensive than some Cashmere wool, so one way or another.

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also known as

the Stir-fry recipe (with pictures)

1 jar of “Thai Kitchen” green curry paste
1 can coconut milk
1 – 1 1/4 lbs of cheap chicken meat, white or dark
1 – 2 cups of rice
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 – 2 teaspoons turmeric

2 or more of the following:

a cup green beans, snow peas, or snap peas
a cup of green peas (give peas a chance)
a small yellow onion (or half of a large one)
a cup bamboo shoots (or a small can)
a cup water chestnuts (or a small can)
a cup of sliced eggplant (use small ones)
a bell pepper (any colour you like)
4 – 6 jalapeño or serrano peppers
3 – 4 large or 5 – 7 small carrots
a small rutabaga or potato
a large parsnip
a can of store-bought “stir fry vegetables”
a cup of broccoli or cauliflower
a cup of asparagus
a cup of any other vegetable (bokchoy, radicchio, parsley, broccoflower)
fresh or canned mushrooms

“Miller Farms” boneless skinless chicken thighs (still frozen), turmeric spice, red bell pepper, “Thai Kitchen” green curry paste, “Thai Kitchen” organic coconut milk, “La Choy” fancy mixed stir-fry vegetables, “Reese” bamboo shoots, “Reese” water chestnuts, a “Texas New” yellow onion, jalapeño peppers, green beans.  For these pictures, I used half of the onion, half of the jalapeños, and everything else except the three cans on the right.

Directions:

Thaw the chicken if frozen.  Put the jar of curry paste in a wok or large saucepan, add the coconut milk.  Stir with spoon until mixed.  Chop chicken into bite sized pieces and add to the curry sauce in the wok.

left: a package of chicken, thawed in the microwave and sliced; right: chicken added to the curry and coconut milk, still pink and not yet cooked

Right now, before you do anything else, wash and scrub the cutting board and anything else that touched raw chicken.  The cutting board needs to be scrubbed with soap, rinsed, and then final rinsed with the hottest water that can come out of your tap.  No, I’m not kidding, get to it.

Start the rice.

Cook the chicken over medium heat stirring occasionally from the bottom to avoid burning.  Cover when not stirring to hold in the heat and ensure the chicken cooks properly.

the chicken is cooked, no pink left in it.  Don’t add the vegetables until it’s like this or you’ll have to overcook the veggies to finish cooking the chicken.  Undercooked chicken is a total bummer.

While the chicken is cooking, start chopping the vegetables.  The tougher veggies need a little longer to cook than the others, so if using carrots, parsnips, or rutabaga, chop them first.   Onions and eggplant cook pretty fast, add them last.

cutting up green beans, these are really healthy and cheap

When the chicken is obviously cooked, and the rice water is boiling, add the vegetables.  The vegetables will also give up some water when cooking, so it may look like it needs extra fluid at this point, but don’t add any.  Stir occasionally and cover in between.  Near the end of the cooking, add a tablespoon of brown sugar (optional).

left above: vegetables added; right: veggies cooking nicely

When the onions have become translucent, reduce or turn off heat until rice is finished.

left: stir fry is ready; right: rice is ready, this is a brown organic long grain American rice with a teaspoon of turmeric spice per cup of rice added for health properties, but also has a nice color

To serve, make a bed of rice on a large plate and add a large ladle or two of stir fry and sauce.  Makes 3 – 4 large plates.

Eat me.

Notes:

• I recommend Zojirushi rice cookers.
  
  I’ve seen comments on forums saying something like “Why would you spend that much when you can get brand X for less?”.  This is like comparing a Mercedes automobile to a rusty Datsun.  A Zojirushi Neuro-fuzzy will cook any rice absolutely perfectly every time and last for years, the model above is at least ten years old.  If you ever hesitated in making slow-cooked long grain rice because it was difficult in any way, you’ll need to see a Zojirushi work to believe it can be that easy.
• The green curry paste is already pretty spicy, but adding a few jalapeno peppers will really put some heat in this recipe.  This usually cures my sinus headaches.
• My favorite combination is chicken with onion, bell pepper, eggplant, brocoli or green beans, and white long grain rice with tumeric.
• Other meats can be used.  Pork butt, shrimp (prawns), squid, and beef stew meat all work just fine.
• I use a regional brand of chicken in a pack of 6 boneless chicken thighs.  It’s cheap and delicious.  Hint: After thawing it from frozen in the microwave, it will still be slightly frozen in a block.  It’s very easy to cut up when it’s like this.
• I use a stainless steel wok that my wife got me for Christmas one year.  It sits on a small stand above a gas burner and works very well for me.
• The vegetables can be pretty bland looking if they’re all green, use a red bell pepper to add some color if you’re serving this to others.

Everything is done better with Cat Supervision.

I actually did this about 7 years ago, and I have completely forgotten why.  That’s probably a good thing.  I have a few more hobbies now to soak up time I would normally spend thinking up this kind of deviltry.